I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
