We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
