Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
