Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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