Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
