Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
