pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
