The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
