im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
