I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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