you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
