I think I won the penis lottery.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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