If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
