Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize