i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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