matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
