hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
