Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
