you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
