Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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