oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
