Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
