is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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