How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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