we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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