I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
