THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
