hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
