I looked at my own cervix.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
