I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
