Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
