Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
PANTIES FOUND
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