Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
