woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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