why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
