life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
