Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
