u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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