Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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