you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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