they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize