is your mom at the bar?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
