i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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