I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
