I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
