It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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