dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
