She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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