We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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