I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
