dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
