Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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