Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize