she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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