addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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