I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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