I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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