Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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