I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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